This week, I received a message that perfectly illustrates why how to make confident homeschool decisions can feel so challenging—and why trusting yourself is the foundation for getting it right.
“I would love to hear you say, ‘Persephone, you don’t need permission to allow some of your children to attend public school. You don’t have to let old hurts and fears deprive them and yourself of peace. This time is what you need to regroup. You can work on your mental health. It’s okay, at least for now, to consider other ways of getting their education.’ I need permission. Would you please give me permission—even though I don’t need that from you—I feel like I need to hear it from you.”
I sat with those words for a long time.
Not because I was deciding what to tell her. Persephone already knew what she needed to do—she’d practically written my response for me. No, I sat with it because of that remarkable phrase tucked in the middle: “even though I don’t need that from you.”
She already knew what she needed to do. She didn’t need my permission—she had the authority, wisdom, and right to choose what was best for her family.
But knowing it and feeling it are two very different things.
The Permission Problem: Why Self-Leadership Is the Key to How to Make Confident Homeschool Decisions
If you’ve homeschooled for any length of time, you’ve probably been where Persephone is. Maybe not asking yourself about public school—maybe it was about switching curriculum mid-year, or dropping a subject that wasn’t working, or saying no to a co-op everyone else was joining, or admitting you need help, or choosing to take a break when you’re burned out.
The details change, but the pattern is the same:
You know what you need to do. You can articulate it clearly. And you might even be able to explain all the reasons why it’s the right choice. But you still find yourself second-guessing your homeschool decisions, waiting—for permission, for validation, for someone else to tell you it’s okay.
You might be seeking permission from:
- Your partner
- Your mother or mother-in-law
- That homeschool friend who seems to have it all together
- Curriculum guides or scope & sequence
- Online groups where everyone else seems certain
- Experts, authors, podcasters, or coaches
And here’s what makes this so exhausting: we’re often seeking permission for decisions that only we have the context, the knowledge, and the authority to make.
This pattern—this constant second-guessing and seeking external validation—is why so many homeschool moms struggle to make confident decisions. We experience decision fatigue from the hundreds of daily choices we face. We have all the information we need. Or we know our children better than anyone else does. But we still can’t pull the trigger on decisions without someone else telling us it’s okay.
The problem isn’t lack of information. It’s lack of trust—trusting yourself to make the right homeschool choices for your family.
The problem is that we don’t trust ourselves to make the right homeschool choices.
Seeking permission vs. trusting yourself
Why You Can’t Make Confident Decisions
What Persephone is bumping up against—what many of us are bumping up against—is not a lack of information. It’s not even a lack of confidence, exactly.
It’s a lack of self-leadership.
Self-leadership is the practice of intentionally directing your own thinking, feelings, and actions toward your goals. It’s taking responsibility for the direction of your life rather than waiting for external circumstances or other people to do it for you.
What is Self-Leadership?
Leadership researcher Charles Manz, who pioneered this concept in the 1980s, put it simply: “Self-leadership is about influencing ourselves, creating the self-motivation and self-direction we need to accomplish what we want to accomplish.”
Edith Eger echoes this truth from a far deeper crucible when she writes, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” A Holocaust survivor and psychologist, Eger reminds us in her book, The Choice, that even when circumstances strip us of control, our inner freedom remains intact. Self-leadership begins not with changing our situation, but with recognizing that our choices—especially in the hardest moments—are where our true power lives.
More recently, Brené Brown has brought the courage piece into focus, reminding us that “you can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability.” Brown, author of Dare to Lead, insists that we cannot lead others—including our children—to places we haven’t been ourselves, particularly when it comes to authenticity and self-acceptance.
But here’s what makes self-leadership so important for making confident homeschool decisions:
You are making dozens of significant choices every single day that no one else can make for you. No expert has your exact children, your specific circumstances, your family’s unique combination of charms and challenges.
The curriculum that works beautifully for your friend’s daughter might be completely wrong for yours. The routine that keeps one mom sane might make you feel trapped.
You cannot outsource these decisions. You can gather information, seek advice, learn from others’ experiences—but ultimately, you have to lead yourself through the decision and into action.
Why We Struggle With Decision-Making Confidence
Most of us weren’t taught self-leadership. We were taught to follow the path: do well in school, get into college, find a good job, follow the societal rules. External validation is baked into the system—grades, promotions, approval from authority figures.
Many of us became very good at meeting others’ expectations and very uncertain about setting our own.
Then we chose homeschooling, which is the opposite of following the path. It’s pioneering. It requires us to set our own standards, create our own structures, and trust our own judgment as a homeschool mom. No wonder we feel off-balance and struggle with homeschool mom self-doubt.
Add to that the emotional intensity of teaching your own kids—the fear of failing them, the weight of responsibility, the isolation, the criticism from others who don’t understand your choice. It’s so much easier to look for someone else to tell us we’re doing it right.
Every time we seek external permission, we:
- Reinforce the belief that someone else knows better than we do
- Teach ourselves not to trust our own discernment
- Give away our authority over our lives and our ability to make confident homeschool choices
And our children are watching.
What Self-Leadership Actually Looks Like
Self-leadership doesn’t mean you never ask for help or input. It doesn’t mean you make decisions in isolation or that you refuse to be influenced by others.
Self-leadership means you:
- Recognize yourself as the decision-maker. Gather information, listen to advice, consider your values, and then decide.
- Notice when you’re seeking permission vs. information. Pause and ask, “Who actually has the authority?” Usually, it’s you.
- Practice self-awareness. Recognize your emotions, understand triggers, know when fear is driving you.
- Extend yourself grace. Treat yourself as you would a friend—allowing permission to take breaks, adjust plans, or regroup.
Persephone’s message showed remarkable self-awareness: she could see that “old hurts and fears” were driving her hesitation. That’s self-leadership starting to emerge.
It means you extend yourself the same grace you’d extend to a friend. If Persephone had come to you with her situation, you’d tell her it’s absolutely okay to consider public school for some of her children while she regroups. You’d tell her that protecting her mental health isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Self-leadership means giving yourself that same permission.
As Brené Brown reminds us, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
Self-leadership is the practice of showing up for ourselves first—being seen by ourselves, accepting ourselves, and then leading from that place of wholeness rather than from our wounds or fear.
How to Start Making Confident Homeschool Decisions
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself in Persephone’s message—if you’ve been waiting for permission you don’t actually need—I want you to know something: You’re standing at the edge of growth.
That discomfort you’re feeling? That’s the gap between knowing you have authority and actually stepping into it. The gap is called self-leadership.
You don’t need me or anyone else to tell you what’s right for your family. What you need is to learn to trust what you already know. You need to practice leading yourself with the same compassion, wisdom, and strength you’re trying to model for your children.
The most important thing you’ll teach your kids isn’t in any curriculum. It’s how to direct their own lives. You’re teaching them to live their lives on purpose.
They learn that by watching you do it.
Where to Begin?
Reflect on these questions today:
- What decision am I waiting for permission to make?
- Who do I believe has more authority over my life than I do—and why?
- What would I do if I trusted myself the way I want my children to trust themselves?
You don’t need anyone’s permission to begin leading yourself.
You already have everything you need to make confident homeschool decisions. When you learn how to make confident homeschool decisions, you stop outsourcing your authority—and start modeling self-trust for your children.
Want to stay connected?
If you’re recognizing that you’ve lost yourself somewhere in the homeschooling journey, my Homeschool Mom Identity Map can help you rediscover who you are beyond lesson plans and laundry. It’s a step-by-step guide to defining your values, releasing unrealistic expectations, and reclaiming confidence in who you are.
Stop waiting for permission. Download your free Self-Leadership Toolkit to see where you’re giving away your power—and how to lead yourself boldly, starting now.
Feeling stuck on a specific decision? I offer a free Aligned Homeschool Reset Session where we can work through what’s keeping you from stepping into your own authority and creating the homeschool experience that’s right for your family.
This is the first in a series exploring self-leadership for homeschool moms. If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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